Thursday, October 20, 2005

Kali Ma why I have Doubts .....?

The bank of the holy river Ganga calls me every time I close my eyes in Meditation. I get transported to the Ghat where I have spent many hours in solitude among devotees thronging the very powerful idol of Kali ma. Dakshineshwar temple situated at the Ganga ghat in the far corner of Kolkata has been a place of spiritual upliftment for since the time my younger brother lead me to it. I find my self happy at the thought of being there again among the powerful presence of the spirits of great souls like Ramakrishna Paramhansa, Vivekanada and many such saints of Hindu religious sects. I feel, in my heart, a desire to reach out to the Kali Ma and ask her to give me something each time I stand in her presence at the prayer hall within my thoughts. But what do I ask her? I fear asking her something so small that the rare chance of asking her something for me fritters away.

I am happy in any case being given the chance to be with her at the mere thought of her divine grace and what more one can ask apart from the bliss that even her thought gives.. I have the grace of her so great that just by thinking about her gives me her presence so what more I can ask? But then I have this nagging fear that I may be going in wrong direction .. Am I Kali Ma? Why not you give me the direction to go, why not let me have the path which reaches you easily. Will I get that this time… ? But then I again I am filled with doubts what if you test me, give me another path that leads me into the forest of desires and fulfilling my Karma again. What if the path that I am going on is the right path as you have pointed me towards it years back? But Kali Ma, I also a child, asking from his mother, how to come to you.

Will you give me a circuitous path leading me away to began with or this time Ma, I will reach out to you?

How far one can go into the forest of senses? Don’t you think Ma that I am already half way through in the forest? Now will each step I take, lead me out of the forest …? Ma I need your divine help and your finger to hold and walk out of your Maya with you and me within you…Jai Durga Ma

Om Namah Shivaya


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